Oh, BTW, You’re an Idiot!

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Just when I think the lies can’t get any bigger, Ringer goes and proves me wrong.

P.S. You’re an Idiot” sends the morons on the run, spins new lies on top of the plethora already told and proves that the thief isn’t always who you think it will be. Read on:

Whenever twins turn up in Ringer you can be assured they will be double the trouble. So it is for Siobhan, when she learns that the father of her babies isn’t turtle-neck-enthusiast Henry like she hoped, but most likely Andrew. Isn’t it such a bummer when your husband turns out to be the father of your children?

Siobhan informs her lover, Henry of the twin development, but not the fatherhood issues – now he’s going to be twice as mad when he learns the truth! “Are you worried your husband is not the father?” Siobhan’s doc asks her at one point. “I’m worried he is,” she replies – I love you, Ringer.

Siobhan seems to be having the slightest of second thoughts about Andrew after this news, especially when she hears that he’s planning on tying the knot with her sister. Soon Siobhan is thrown into the misty water-colored memories of the way they were. Once upon a time, you see, Andrew and Siobhan were sort of in love. You can tell because Siobhan’s hair is down and when Siobhan is being evil her hair is always up, the better to contain her secrets.

On their wedding night, they immediately start arguing about having children with Siobhan on the nay and Andrew on the yay side. Foreshadowing! Andrew mentions that he saw the picture of the little boy in her jewelry box and instead of explaining about Sean, Siobhan gets all weird. I get that this is a show based on secrets and lies but does everything have to be a secret? She couldn’t have just said “that was my son that died?” These people really over-complicate their own lives.

Speaking of over-complicating, Bridget is trying to force down that tiny voice of conscience about all her lies to Andrew after he asks her to marry him with a ring pop, yes, a candy ring. She accepts, of course, but that little voice in her head keeps acting up. She’s starting to feel bad about how her relationship with Andrew is built on a bed of lies. So instead of facing the problem, she puts her hair up and tries scheming for a little while.

Meanwhile, Malcolm has gotten onto the trail of Martin-Charles. He tells Bridget that she can’t marry Andrew. I was expecting Malcolm to suddenly declare his love for her, but he instead tells her it would be a mistake to marry Andrew because he’s a crook. Whew! The last thing we need on Ringer is another overly complicated love triangle. Anyway, Malcolm then spends the whole episode skulking around after various people. He skulks with Henry. He skulks into Olivia’s office, stealing some info on a flash drive. He skulks his way to a backwater accountant’s office. Malcolm is going all “Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy” if all the characters in that movie were completely obvious about their spying. After following Olivia to the accountant’s I half expected him to pop out of the car while in her eye line and wave.

What did all of Malcolm’s skulking uncover? Well that Martin-Charles is Bernie Madoff-ing the company. It’s a Ponzi Scheme y’all! When Bridget sadly tells Andrew about how Olivia has gone behind his back with the scheme Andrew looks confused. This is mostly because he totally knows about the Ponzi scheme, since it was his idea. Well played Andrew! The British accent and soft puppy dog eyes always throw me off, but it’s nice to know there’s some evil under the surface after all.

What about the “Wild Things” plotline? Well it’s getting even wilder. When Juliet starts having second thoughts about the whole plan, it’s mommy dearest to the rescue. She tells Juliet that she’ll take care of Mr. Carpenter, who has been calling to harass her lately. And boy, does she ever take care of him. Sexually, that is. Turns out that Mr. Carpenter and the former Mrs. Martin were in on this plan all along. Is there anyone left who isn’t in on this “Wild Things” plot? Is it even a really good scheme if every other person on the show knows about it?

It turns out that Mrs. Martin is even more devious than we could have imagined though. First, she was behind Tessa’s beating. Then when Juliet sends a text threatening to tell her father about what happened, Mrs. Martin uses it as an excuse to double-cross Mr. Carpenter. While he’s in the shower she takes all the money he left lying conveniently on the bed and leaves behind a tape showing him laughing it up with Juliet and Tessa post courtroom meltdown. But don’t worry, mommy dearest left a note to tell Mr. Carpenter to leave Juliet alone and that he’s an idiot.

Now Carpenter’s on the run, Juliet is guilt ridden, Tessa’s still in a coma and the woman who put her there has millions. Catherine is so maliciously manipulative it’s scary. Next week, we’ll learn that she was involved in the Kennedy assassination.

Here are some highlights of this week’s episode that caught my eye:

– Hilarious Henry. He was so excited to be playing spy games with Siobhan that he looked like he wanted to fist pump after every successful plan. After he gives Bridget the box of Ponzi he was practically giggling to himself like a twelve-year-old girl reading “Twilight”. I hope this version of Henry never leaves.

–  Andrew is thinking about selling the penthouse, or at least downsizing. But what will become of the giant poster of Siobhan’s face? I hope they eventually end up in a loft and that poster ends up like floor to ceiling on one of the walls. *sigh*

Addict Verdict: FINALLY, we get to see the pre-evil side to Andrew! But, now, as the pyramid starts to fall: Who will jump free and who will get crushed by the rubble?

Fix-Your-Eyes-On-Me Scene: Catherine is unbelievable. She and Carpenter are naturally secret lovers – “You’re going to stop harassing my daughter… and start harassing me!” she gasps as they share a clinch. No, really, this actually happens. Watch out for that one!

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